When is Hollywood – and Jude Law, for that matter – going to learn that remaking old Michael Caine movies doesn’t work?

First there was the ill-fated Get Carter remake (with Sylvester Stallone as lead and Caine in a supporting role), then there was the little-seen Alfie remake featuring Jude Law. A glutton for punishment, Law returns to pay homage to Caine again in the Kenneth Branagh-directed redo of Sleuth. About as compelling as a bag of stale chips, Sleuth – originally a play before it was a 1972 film starring Caine and Laurence Olivier – is the story of veteran mystery writer Andrew Wyke (first played by Olivier, now Caine) and actor Milo Tindle (first Caine, now Law) and their potentially lethal game of wits over Wyke’s estranged wife, who we never actually see.

The film is a two-hander, driven by dialogue and set in the one location. Thus, it unfolds like the play it started as – which is not necessarily a bad thing, but in this case it struggles to hold your attention. The twists aren’t surprising, the characters’ motivations seem contrived, and most notably, the wham-bam-thank-you-Mike ending is both hard to swallow and tacked on.

One of the biggest faults of the film is the entire second act – it’s terrible! Its supposed to be clever and we’re not surprised to know what’s going on, but from the moment the ‘detective’ knocks on the door of Milo’s mansion we know exactly what’s going on. That whole middle part of the film plays like a scene from Charlie’s Angels.

While the film itself is poor, you can’t fault Caine’s and Law’s performances – they’re stellar. Caine revels in the role that Olivier made his own in the ’70s, unleashing a side of him we haven’t seen before on film – a real prick. Law, who also produced the film, is equally good – he’s definitely one of today’s best British actors. Together the two bounce well off each other – they just needed someone with a little more scriptwriting expertise (Harold Pinter might have won a Nobel Peace Prize for Literature, but Akiva Goldsman could have done a better movie adaptation than this). Not even stage and screen veteran director Kenneth Branagh can save it from mediocrity. From its stage-play hangover to its clanking deus ex machina, this remake of Sleuth was ill-advised at best.